June 16 - 2007

Out of all the low moments in Czech history - including, but not limited to, the time Jaroslav Mitirovsky’s plow got stuck in a manure pit, or the day the National Laptop ran out of batteries - yesterday’s defeat must rank at the top.  Watching the match with Lukey was brutal: I’m no Czechophile, but I hate to seem them crushed under the wheels of a technically gifted Turkish side just the same.

Worse, it came on the heels of what proved to be a rough couple of days for the Czech man. His bankroll now stands at a still profitable $119.03, while his national pride clocks in at just under 10 Koruna.  Lukey’s picks are below the fold.

DEVASTATED!! After 75 minutes of pure ecstacy, sitting in the hallowed “Cock n’ Bull” in Santa Monica (with the editor in charge), my world came to a screeching halt. First goal - fine. Second goal - utter disappointment and shock. I would have, could have, never imagined watching the world’s best drop a standard cross - not only did he drop it but it just happened to fall to the feet of the Turkish douche. Wow - painful man, fucking painful. (more…)

June 12 - 2007

I like to poke fun at the Czech man, but the simple truth is this: the guys know how to make money on soccer…which he can then wire to Prague to perpetuate human trafficking schemes involving large breasted Czech women. Lukey is off to a roaring start, with a bankroll that has swelled to the tune of $140.68 - that’s an increase of 40.68%, math wizards.

And did I mention he’s making the pilgrimage out to LA this weekend? He is. Bet against my liver, please.

Ahhh yes, 6 more games, 4 more wins and so I believe my record stands at 8 WINS, 2 losses. Best thing about the last few days? Listening to Tommy Smith try to pronounce the Russian players names. I kept thinking, is this guy calling him a “jerkoff”, “u-off”, “shek-off”, “and-u-cough?” Dude, I’m convinced this guy is retarded (the glasses don’t help). (more…)

June 8 - 2007

Lukey’s favorites all came in over the weekend, pushing his bankroll to a respectable $117.75. And what did Lukey do with the extra cash? He paid for a professional photographer to come to his house and shoot a new head-shot. Oh, the vanity!

So I’m off to a great start, but are you really surprised? I was getting text messages galore on Saturday morning, things such as, “you could use the Slovaks now”…guess what, all I had to say was TASTE IT BITCHES!!! I’m 4-0 after the first weekend and plan on continuing my man-handling of this tournament.

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June 5 - 2007

Oh brother.  Get ready for 3 weeks of nonstop  Czech-worship.  We’ll start him off with a $100 mythical bankroll and, assuming he doesn’t blow it all at mythical Czech handjob houses, he should be able to turn a mythical profit.  Good luck, Lukey!

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August 10 - 2007

For those of you who don’t know Lukey the Czech, turn your attention to the photo at left….and stare into the eyes of profitability. 

Lukey ended last year’s campaign with a staggering $182.63 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers).  The pilsner and cigar industries absorbed most of that, with any spare change likely finding its way to young ladies “working their way through college.” 

Lukey, then, will be off and running from zero.  His picks will appear every friday along with odds from Ladbrokes and an update of his progress/ruination.  He’ll offer his $10 “Lock of the Week” followed by the $5 fixture run-down and, hopefully, some unsolicited anecdotes about life in America as a first generation Czech man.  So, without further ado…

Another EPL season upon us and I’ve managed to convince my wife not to divorce me. Wigan should feel as fortunate for surviving last season’s drop-zone. Was there a more boring team to watch in 2006? I think not.  Painful man, painful.  An off season of acquisitions worth forgetting, not to mention they dealt their best young player to Everton. I really can’t come up with any good reason to think Wigan have a chance.  Everton pound Wigan 3-0.

Sunderland v Tottenham: 0-2
Bolton v Newcastle: 1-1
Derby v Portsmouth: 0-2
Everton v Wigan: 3-0
Middlesbrough v Blackburn: 2-2
West Ham v Man City: 3-2
Aston Villa v Liverpool: 1-2
Arsenal v Fulham: 2-0
Chelsea v Birmingham: 3-1
Man Utd v Reading: 2-0

Sunderland v Tottenham
Sunderland 5/2
Draw 12/5
Tottenham 13/10

Bolton v Newcastle
Bolton 6/4
Draw 9/4
Newcastle 2/1

Derby v Portsmouth
Derby 2/1
Draw 9/4
Portsmouth 6/4

Everton v Wigan
Everton 8/11
Draw 5/2
Wigan 5/1

Middlesbrough v Blackburn
Middlesbrough 6/4
Draw 9/4
Blackburn 2/1

West Ham v Man City
West Ham 6/5
Draw 9/4
Man City 3/1

Aston Villa v Liverpool
Aston Villa 3/1
Draw 23/10
Liverpool 11/10

Arsenal v Fulham
Arsenal 4/11
Draw 4/1
Fulham 10/1

Chelsea v Birmingham
Chelsea 2/9
Draw 11/2
Birmingham 16/1

Man Utd v Reading
Man Utd 1/4
Draw 9/2
Reading 14/1

April 20 - 2007

When an alien race of the future discovers the fossilized remains of Soccernista, they will marvel not at the blatant MLS bashing, the cheap jokes at the expense of Chris Albright, or the epic overuse of the semicolon.  No.  It will be the profit turning ways of our resident Czech national that earns their respect.

Lukey went 10-3 last week, and donkey punched his total winnings to $211.17 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers).  Let’s see if he can keep this Gurkha fueled train rolling, after the jump.  (more…)

February 9 -2007

Lukey the Czech was once hit by a flying plate of Nachos while at a US-Mexico game in the late ’90s. I can only assume, then, he was happy with this past week’s result. And a happy Czech, makes for happy picks.

Last week’s matches were fairly uneventful in terms of Lukey’s bankroll, and he now sits at a comfortable $139.64 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers). Let’s see if Lukey can channel his nacho revenge satisfaction into some winners, after the jump. (more…)

February 2 -2007

I once watched Lukey the Czech deliberately try to trip a 40 year-old woman during an intramural indoor soccer game. She whirled around and said, “My son is in junior high school, and he has more class than you!“ Lukey, without missing a beat, responded, “Get him out here: I’ll kick his ass too.”

I tell you this only because when you’re looking to make some money, you need a tipster with a heart of stone. No favors, no sentiments: just winners. Lukey’s been fitting the bill of late, and finds himself with a bankroll of $147.93 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers). Join him for more ruthless picks, after the jump. (more…)

January 19 -2007

After eating some chalk on last weekend’s picks, Lukey the Czech slips to an overall bankroll of $129.76 (based on $5 and $10 wagers). Which, coincidentally, leaves him exactly 24 cents short of the $130 he’ll need to tryout for the Galaxy. Let’s see if his picks can get him to the Home Depot Center, after the jump. (more…)

January 12 - 2007

With all the craziness accompanying Beckhampalooza, isn’t it nice to know some things never change? It’s Friday, we’re only hours away from some hot Prem action, and Lukey the Czech has banged out some pilsner-fueled picks for your approval.

Lukey had a holiday dip, but he’s trending upwards. He currently maintains a profit of $142.92 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers). His picks are after the jump. (more…)