Entered in Euro 2008 by on June 11, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
June 11 – 2008
Like the rain that fell throughout the match, and like the goals that trickled into the Russian net, the praise for Spain is being poured on thicker than a Julie Foudy thigh. Whether it was the actual performance or the sight of a wet Fernando Torres that has pundits in such a state remains to be seen.
Spain are good. Or, specifically, the pairing of Torres and Villa is good. I do not envy the backs tasked with defending that duo. Villa needs constant attention – defending him requires staying close enough to deny him the ball or prevent him from turning. Torres, on the other hand, blooms when defenders get too close – as soon as he feels a defender, he can use his strength and explosion to simply toss him aside.
But let’s get one thing straight: Russia were made to be beaten by Spain. They are a team, under Guus Hiddink, whose confidence has grown by leaps and bounds. They came to play yesterday, attempting to out-possess the Spaniards and look good doing it. They created the number of chances needed to win, and hoped against hope they would be able to keep the Iberians at bay. But, considering Spain’s raw talent, it was a naive attempt. Sweden and Greece won’t waste time with such frivolous pursuits as good soccer, and so the Spaniards have plenty of chance remaining to reclaim their status as underachievers.
Some other thoughts, in no particular order:
In honor of his hat-trick, you owe it to David Villa to watch his mostly unfunny spot in a very funny EA Sports ad-campaign. I admit, though: I lose it when he makes the clicking sounds to the Eagle.
If I were to declare a rooting interest in the Euros, it would probably be Sweden. My heritage, you see, is mostly Swedish. But the truth is this: I’m too embarrassed that, if I root for Sweden, someone will speak Swedish to me. Or they’ll ask what town in Sweden my great-grandparents were from. Or they’ll ask when was the last time I visited Sweden. To all of these I can only reply, “I like the pancakes.” And so, until my true native country of White-Trashistan qualifies for the Euros, I’ll remain a closeted Swedish fan.
Speaking of Sweden, that was quite a goal. Whether it was a good idea or not to unfreeze Henrik Larsson for this competition remains to be seen, but the one-two that led to the goal was an example of what he can still do. And how young do you have to be to play combinations with energetic teammates?
I’ve heard it kicked around that Luis Aragones should be praised for showing the courage to leave Cesc out of the starting eleven; “He didn’t fit the game plan,” they are saying. I’m not so sure it wasn’t simply a case of Aragones keeping his powder dry against the team Spain would match up with best in the group. Or, Argones might just be a homophobe.
I haven’t found a picture of Carlos Puyol playing in last night’s rain, but I could smell wet dog through my television.
Entered in Euro 2008 by on June 10, 2008 @ 3:12 am
June 10 – 2008
Yesterday, the Oranje woke the tournament up with their trademark passing and liberal interpretation of the rules. Yes, van Nistelrooy’s goal checks out, but the rule needs to be changed: how can a defensive player sitting off the field count towards an offside ruling, while an “uninvolved” attacking player in an offside position can not? That shit is Jim Crow for defenders.
The Dutch and their stupid baby-blue socks, though, provided a welcome respite from the average games plaguing the Euros thus far. Let’s hope their charisma carries me through tomorrow’s potentially beating of a schedule, and into Wednesday…because Wednesday we get…wait for it…Switzerland vs. Turkey! Why is that significant? Well besides the fact that it pits the two countries with the stupidest languages against eachother, the last time these two met…
Yessss! I’m a huge fan of brawl analysis, and this video (while certainly not in the same league as my all time favorite) definitely has some stuff to love. For instance:
The Turkish coach telling his players (:03), “Look they’re getting away! To the tunnel!”
A Turkish player sprints the entire width of the field to deliver a half-hearted, back-of-the-knee love tap on a Swiss physio (:19). I mean, you run all the way across the pitch to deliver a love-tap? Where’s the blood-lust? That, right there, is why the Ottoman Empire fell, folks.
The Swiss goalkeeper calmly trying to talk a Turkish player down as he strolls into the mouth of the tunnel (:33). Judging from the keeper’s name, we know he can handle himself, as Swiss tradition says you are permitted to add one consonant to your surname for every man you kill.
The wailing (throughout). I believe the pervasive political and religious turmoil in the Middle East has done as much damage to the quality of dance music as anything else. Tragic, really.
Best match of the tournament thus far. Ruud obvioiusly offside on the first goal, but some classic total football from the Dutch led to two more lovely goals. Van Bronckhorst was a machine, and that was even after beating Big Brown in a pre-match race! Brilliant. Italy looked unusually out of sorts, although they did manage to generate some good chances, which they proceeded to waste. That said, it was a clinic put on by the orange, and Italy will whine about the offside but hey, it was 3-0 at the end of class buddy. This was the first game I really got into – just a bit underwhelmed watching the previous matches for some reason? In any case, this was the good stuff, can’t wait for more…
In other news, albeit very old news, Materazzi is a giant rodent.
Lukey’s favorites all came in over the weekend, pushing his bankroll to a respectable $117.75. And what did Lukey do with the extra cash? He paid for a professional photographer to come to his house and shoot a new head-shot. Oh, the vanity!
So I’m off to a great start, but are you really surprised? I was getting text messages galore on Saturday morning, things such as, “you could use the Slovaks now”…guess what, all I had to say was TASTE IT BITCHES!!! I’m 4-0 after the first weekend and plan on continuing my man-handling of this tournament.
Some awards need to be handed out after those first two days:
Scariest Moment
When this young “lass” milked the bull.
Moment that Gave Jim Rome a Semi
Watching Alexander Frei’s tears water the turf.
Most Glaring Omission From Internet Coverage
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find any good pictures of this woman.
Thus denying me the ability to make a joke about her chest-y depiction of the Alps.
Best Name
Kazim Kazim
Most Exciting Game
DC United 2, Chicago 1
Let’s face it, not a lot of excitement on days 1 and 2.
Before we get to the important stuff (like the particulars of Julie Foudy’s lion-mane hairdo and increasingly chiseled features), let’s look at the following favorites as you could have had them on Saturday morning:
Czech Republic vs. Switzerland – Bet $66 to win $100
Croatia vs. Austria – Bet $108 to win $100.
Portugal vs. Turkey – Bet $142 to win $100.
Germany vs. Poland – Bet $200 to win $100
Big Brown vs. 8 others – Bet $400 to win $100.
Yes, hindsight is 20/20, but can you spot the obvious stinker in there? Let’s see how each faired on the weekend:
Ahhh, there it is: a blazing red color scheme guaranteed to dazzle the senses and distract the intellect. Yes, we’re hoping the shock of the red will dull your disappointment as I roll out the staff-list for Soccernista’s Eurotrash 08 coverage. Here’s the crack staff you’ll be hearing from over the next days and weeks:
Yours truly, when I can escape the crushing responsibility of toddler-rearing. Expect the same empty wit and irresponsible shit tossing, but with a less informed bent due to having fast-forwarded through large segments of TiVo’d games.
Lukey the Czech, replete with Czech-centric gambling advice smothered in a mixture of class-rage and capitalist angst.
Nordy. He’s liveblogged for Soccernista before and…well I really have no idea who he is. But his gay jokes are both tasteful and hilarious. In the sportsblogging world, that’ll take you places.
Jobicoppola, who actually built this little home on the infotubes (I’m not sure how, but I’m pretty sure it involves smoke, mirrors, and Asians).
And there you have it: disappointing, I know, but what else are you going to read? Jen Chang?
Oh brother. Get ready for 3 weeks of nonstop Czech-worship. We’ll start him off with a $100 mythical bankroll and, assuming he doesn’t blow it all at mythical Czech handjob houses, he should be able to turn a mythical profit. Good luck, Lukey!
The opening to this video slays me: the “Le Marseillaise” ring tone, Ribery bobbing his head, Luca Toni wearing his little sister’s tshirt. It devolves into a Nike commercial, but there’re still some gems – like when Toni heads it in off the crossbar exclaiming, “Technique!”
I don’t have a clue what their saying, but I’m pretty sure Franck at one point says something about “Spaghetti,” and Toni calls Franck, “Napoleon.” Which is really all I could ask for.
Unless you have a rooting interest, the Euros can sneak up on you. Some links to whet the appetite:
The BBC’s Euro trailer practically drips in Euro-snobbery. Mozart? Check. Monument porn? Check. Clever little Frenchy cartoons? Check. Why don’t they just come out and say it: the unwashed masses aren’t invited to our little soirée.
Have only 2 minutes for a primer? Appreciate useless information like “Missing in Action: Andriy Shevchenko”? Retarded? Then the SI preview is for you.
Need a rooting interest? The Guardian pens an adoption case for each of the Euro competitors. Better yet, one of their writers recommends a team to hate: “Even United fans, while worshiping him as a football genius, would struggle to get through a night out with Ronaldo without wanting to give him at least a little slap.” On the ass, I presume?
Austria and Switzerland are using the Euros as an opportunity to debunk some rumors. Among them: Swiss cheese isn’t Swiss, “Edelweiss” is not an Austrian folk song, and “There are no kangaroos in Austria.” I’ll grant the first two, but no kangaroos? Sure, whatever, mate.
Like the rain that fell throughout the match, and like the goals that trickled into the Russian net, the praise for Spain is being poured on thicker than a Julie Foudy thigh. Whether it was the actual performance or the sight of a wet Fernando Torres that has pundits in such a state remains to be seen.
Lukey’s favorites all came in over the weekend, pushing his bankroll to a respectable $117.75. And what did Lukey do with the extra cash? He paid for a professional photographer to come to his house and shoot a new head-shot. Oh, the vanity!
Yours truly, when I can escape the crushing responsibility of toddler-rearing. Expect the same empty wit and irresponsible shit tossing, but with a less informed bent due to having fast-forwarded through large segments of TiVo’d games.
