Oranjeboom

June 10 – 2008

Yesterday, the Oranje woke the tournament up with their trademark passing and liberal interpretation of the rules. Yes, van Nistelrooy’s goal checks out, but the rule needs to be changed: how can a defensive player sitting off the field count towards an offside ruling, while an “uninvolved” attacking player in an offside position can not? That shit is Jim Crow for defenders.

The Dutch and their stupid baby-blue socks, though, provided a welcome respite from the average games plaguing the Euros thus far. Let’s hope their charisma carries me through tomorrow’s potentially beating of a schedule, and into Wednesday…because Wednesday we get…wait for it…Switzerland vs. Turkey! Why is that significant? Well besides the fact that it pits the two countries with the stupidest languages against eachother, the last time these two met…

Yessss! I’m a huge fan of brawl analysis, and this video (while certainly not in the same league as my all time favorite) definitely has some stuff to love. For instance:

• The Turkish coach telling his players (:03), “Look they’re getting away! To the tunnel!”
• A Turkish player sprints the entire width of the field to deliver a half-hearted, back-of-the-knee love tap on a Swiss physio (:19). I mean, you run all the way across the pitch to deliver a love-tap? Where’s the blood-lust? That, right there, is why the Ottoman Empire fell, folks.
• The Swiss goalkeeper calmly trying to talk a Turkish player down as he strolls into the mouth of the tunnel (:33). Judging from the keeper’s name, we know he can handle himself, as Swiss tradition says you are permitted to add one consonant to your surname for every man you kill.
• The wailing (throughout). I believe the pervasive political and religious turmoil in the Middle East has done as much damage to the quality of dance music as anything else. Tragic, really.