It’s (You’re) in the game

September 19 - 2007

The release of FIFA’08 is around the corner and, like most years, I’m foregoing the excitement; for me, EA Sport’s FIFA series plateaued with FIFA’96.  Since then, the graphics have gotten better (”I can see a Nike sign!”), and the attention to detail has increased (”Look!  Sweaty shirts!”), but what was fundamentally a button-pushing exercise has remained so. 

The trailer below, however, seems to hint at better things to come. 

The enhanced realism of piloting a single player through a match surely represents an improvement over the conceit of controlling an entire squad.  Positioning, understanding of role, and speed of play would be at a premium.  Gone would be the days of the tried and true scoring format (into the midfield, swing it out wide, loop in a cross, smash it home) and with them my desire to strangle my brother with the controller cord.  A whole team of individuals playing as individuals would be more like…well…soccer.

It’s easy to choose players you’d love to “be.” But who, I wonder, are the players I would avoid like a dodgy prawn sandwich?

• Andriy Schevchenko.  Nothing causes thumb blisters like a player who has lost a step. No matter how hard you press that directional button, Andriy will be there a step late.  And you could be forgiven for mistaking the slowly depleting “stamina bar” for a “career prospects bar.”
• Kieron Dyer.  How fun could it be counting the seconds until your next injury?  Which button do you push to wave on the physio?  Can I punch virtual Lee Bowyer?
• Dimitar Berbatov.  I’m surrounded by morons.  Transfer me to ManUntd before Robbie Keane kicks another ball at my shins.
• Andy Van der Meyde.  Playing video games, like talking about my feelings, is something I rarely do sober.  Drunkenly playing a drunken player is one too many layers of drunkeness. 
• Steve Finnan.  Watch as I bore myself with my own consistency.

Really, though, how long until the “Be a Pro” mode leads to rampant CGI-FIFA porn?