Thinking outside the six-yard box

September 6 - 2007

With Beckham’s perfectly sculpted ass riding the pine, and your inner thirteen-year-old-girl crying softly because of it, it’s time to revisit a popular theme here at Soccernista: what can be done that might actually convince me to attend an MLS match?

I want to go.  Or rather, I want to want to go.  Somehow, though, I’m not being pushed over the edge.  Not even by Goldenballs himself.  So it’s back to the drawing board to create a handful of unrealistic, surefire ideas to improve MLS.  Ignore them at your peril, Don Garber:

Bring in the Barra Bravas
Paid supporters have brought Argentine football to its knees; MLS should be so lucky.  Putting hardcore fan-groups on the payroll would improve stadium atmosphere and help to sell the league as spectacle.  It wouldn’t take much: seats, beer, and a jersey could get the ball rolling.  After that, budget allocations could be made to competing supporters’ groups based on attendance and quality of participation.  Even if it were a break even proposition, the quality of the MLS experience would surely go up, as would interest in the league.

Combine MLS with the Mexican Primera
Lou Dobbs’s worst nightmare would be an outright blessing for soccer fans.  30 teams, no borders, and a new reason to go to the stadium week in and week out.  The massive Mexican population residing in the US would be hooked, and so would Americans who don’t want to see their gardener’s team take home the inter-league title.  Investment would go through the roof as advertisers rush to tap the growing purchasing power of Latinos.  Seriously - I dare anyone to find a negative from MLS’s point of view.   

Form a Champions League of the Americas
Same number of teams, same exact format.  Scrap the Concacaf Champions Cup and the Superliga, then throw all your eggs into a bi-continental championship.  The drama of such a tournament would be second only to the original, and would make the World Club Championship look like what it is: an afterthought.

Ditch the Salary Cap
Footie clubs are the new yachts.  They have become the playthings of oligarchs and tycoons; why should that stop at our borders?  Yes, the current kibutz-like system has protected the league from an NASL-esque implosion, but…what exactly are we protecting again?  The Columbus Crew?  The Kansas City Wizards?  I’d risk the implosion if it means I could watch players who make more than I do. 

Let the Church of Latter Day Saints Take Over Real Salt Lake
Imagine the excitement that would grip Rice-Eccles stadium as the preisthood holders take the field.  Every game would be a revelation for the home team and a culture-clash for everyone else.  At away games, players could alternately rouse the local population and fill the seats with converts.  The stupid RSL crown could be replaced by something cool…like a beehive…or an ox.  All white strip at home, and all white with white stripes away.  It would be fucking awesome.