These Bubbles Smell Like Raw Sewage
July 26-2007
No story from last season left me more sour than the Carlos Tevez affair. It was a constant reminder of how money corrupts, how the FA is an inept organization, and how football, ultimately, is at the mercy of robber barons with new money and old-world ethics. And even while the Premiership took a break for the summer, the Tevez affair proved to be that rare, putrid gift that just keeps on giving.
For the uninitiated, a quick review:
- Sleazeball Iranian businessmen (pictured) forms investment group consisting of other sleazeballs.
- Sleazeball Iranian receives controlling interest in Brazilian club Corinthians, but not in exchange for capital - in exchange for investments.
- Sleazeball Iranian purchases Carlos Tevez “for” Corinthians, but Sleazeball Iranian retains rights to the player.
- Sleazeball Iranian makes bid to purchase West Ham, ostensibly using Carlos Tevez as capital.
- West Ham signs Tevez for an undisclosed, but likely nominal, fee. Meanwhile, Sleazeball Iranian’s takeover bid is refused. Sleazeball Iranian no doubt retains rights to Tevez.
- West Ham’s slide down the table is halted almost single handedly by Tevez. The recovery coincides with the FA finally addressing the mysterious arrangement between West Ham and Sleazeball Iranian.
- A fine of $12million dollars (rather than a point deduction) is handed down by the FA in a gross miscarriage of justice. The Icelandic biscuit magnate who’s takeover bid did go through retrieves the sum from under his high-density foam, modern sofa cushions and declares the issue resolved.
- West Ham stay up, Sheffield United go down.
- Season ends. Everyone and their brother knows Tevez is on his way to a club that doesn’t feature Matthew Etherington kicking balls off the endline every trip down the flank.
And it is here that you had to know more drama was in store. Were we really to imagine that Kia Joorobchian (Sleazeball Iranian) simply walked away from his property? That he and West Ham came to a satisfactory agreement ending Tevez’s third-party ownership?
Enter Manchester united who, in a bid to become entirely unbeatable by pairing Wayne Rooney with Tevez, have forced the issue of who actually actually owns Tevez. And guess what: it’s a mess. Joorabchian is suing West Ham for breach of contract. West Ham refutes the claim. And FIFA, sensing that anyone who touches this case will end up with poop on the chin, has passed the matter on to the Court of Arbitration for Sport.
The Tevez affair is now being cast as an unfolding, courtroom drama (the fact that Joorabchian is now wanted on money laundering charges only bolsters this angle), but the real criminal prsence may never set foot inside the courtroom: the FA. If Joorabchian’s claim actually merits arbitration, then it can absolutely be said that the FA mishandled the matter when they had the chance. And the fact they collected a fine from West Ham while allowing the larger issue to go unresolved, well, that all but makes them co-conspirators.
In then end, their’s only one righteous victim here…and they smell faintly of french fries, stale lager, and closed steel mills. Sheffield United went down because of Carlos Tevez, their appeals were denied by the FA, and all indicators are that they were 100% correct about the nature of the Tevez affair. Blades’ fans should take a torch to the league.
My own status as a West Ham fan has been thrown into doubt by the matter, and recent events only widen the gap. I’ll be watching as they come to their inevitable, shitty conclusion, but I won’t be watching as a Hammer’s fan. Concerned fan of English football, maybe, but certainly not a Hammers fan.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Sheffield United lost nearly all of my sympathy when they lost at home to bloody Wigan on the last day of the Premiership season. That’s worse than the L.A. Galaxy losing to the Richmond Kickers. If you can’t get at least a draw in THAT game, you deserve the Championship.
For the record, I’m still on the Reading bandwagon, though Dempsey and Bocanegra are trying hard to make me Fulham fans.
Comment by Dave's Football Blog — July 26, 2007 @ 4:46 pm
I shudder to think how dire West Ham would have been if they hadn’t cheated the rules in order to sign Tevez…
Dempsey has a long way to go before Englanders refer to him as “Deuce.” He should be off on the right foot by supplanting Kevin Davies on the right side of midfield in the eyes of Lowrie Sanchez. Coleman hadn’t quite got to trust him after a half-season, and now Dempsey has to impress a new coach. Class will tell, as they say.
Comment by Jason — July 26, 2007 @ 8:33 pm
In fairness, it was a three-judge panel that gave West Ham their “punishment,” not the FA. This is not to say that the FA isn’t stupid and corrupt, just not in this very narrow instance.
Comment by Kozemp — July 27, 2007 @ 8:47 am
Is anyone else convinced that Tevez’s move to United will go through, but after August 11th when West Ham plays Man City? Once they play a match, it’ll be impossible to give them the punishment they deserve (relegation) despite the facts that will come out (West Ham as much of Tevez as I own of him).
Comment by Ben — July 27, 2007 @ 9:26 am
Kozemp,
I think you’re referring to the arbitration panel that handled SheffUntd’s claim. They found that the fine against West Ham was “unjust” and a points deduction would have been “normal.” They didn’t, however, find the lack of a points deduction “unreasonable.” Therefore the ruling stood.
Now as to the legal definition of “unreasonable”…
Comment by garth — July 27, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
Near as I can figure from perusing the archives on the BBC, the 5.5 million quid penalty came from the Premier League (their “arbitration panel,” maybe?) which (to the best of my knowledge) is a distinct entity from the FA.
Part of my brain is telling me that the whole flap was between the teams and the league, and that the FA wasn’t involved or didn’t claim jurisdiction (a la FIFA today, another organization that is a paragon of virtue) in the initial judgement.
Yeah, wasn’t the whole thing when Sheffield started their appeal was that part of being a member of the Premier League was that you agreed to abide by the league’s disciplinary decisions, so if Kevin McCabe doesn’t like us just fining West Ham he has no recourse so he can suck it!
(Note: my summation of the EPL’s position may be paraphrased somewhat.)
Comment by Kozemp — July 27, 2007 @ 3:35 pm
http://soccerlens.com/the-sheffield-united-premier-league-arbitration-report-and-west-hams-impossible-position/2608/
gives a good overview and analysis as well as links to the relevant documentation. No one should form a meaningful opinion before reading them.
Up The Blades
Keep It Fair, Stupid!
Comment by Bladesman — July 29, 2007 @ 1:02 pm
Well, had the Hammers been relegated, it wouldn’t have been the first time I’ve tried to keep up with their results in the CC league. At any rate, Sheffield certainly did themselves no favor losing at home to Wigan — my god, were they expecting West Ham to actually lose to ManU on the final day with Man U having little to play for and the Hammers having everything to play for and currently on a tear after destroying Bolton (Even without big Sam at the helm)?! Sheffield looked completely uninspired.
That being said, if nothing else comes of this, I think there does need to be clarification about how players are transferred and who can and cannot own rights to players. Hopefully, at least that will get resolved through this entire affair
At least Sheff U isn’t Leeds…
Comment by poofyhands — July 30, 2007 @ 12:41 pm
hi
I’m very happy to say that west ham smell and MANCHESTER UNITED ARE THE BEST!
Comment by sachin — June 23, 2008 @ 9:34 am