June 14 – 2007

As soccer continues to push into the American mainstream, I have a feeling we’ll be enjoying plenty of clumsy interactions between our nation and the world’s game. Kobe Bryant, having spent some time abroad, usually comes out looking pretty good after brushes with the game; today he attended a Barca training session and even traded hugs with Ronaldinho. But, if we’re to split hairs, he may have made one, small misstep:

The vacationing Bryant said coach Frank Rijkaard had been his favorite player, calling him a midfielder with a lot of “class.”

I’m a huge fan of Rijkaard’s, but that ain’t class dripping down Rudi Voeller’s mane.

June 14 – 2007

The first post after a long absence is always the toughest: Will I neglect to mention some important news item from the past week, thereby making an ass of myself? Will I dissect a problem that has already been solved? Will I unknowingly repeat a joke that’s already been made?  The fear is paralyzing.

To get through it, I’ll employ some poetic stylings to bring myself up to speed with all things soccer…because if there’s one thing I know about poetry it’s that no matter how nonsensical or crappy it turns out, you can just blame it on the medium. Poetic license, I think it’s called.      Â

Here goes nothing:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â

Says my occipital lobe, “What in God’s name is THAT!?”
Says Deuce of Davenport, “It’s Posh Spice, fondling Nomar’s bat.”
Fondle, Posh, fondle.

After the game, Jesse Marsch traded shirts.
Jeremy St. Louis is so dumb it hurts.
You’re blowing it, St. Louis, your blowing it.

Lakshmi Mittal has $40billion – twice the fortune of Roman Abromovich.
Yet he wants to buy Birmingham City: Whatthefuckisthatshit?
Shop around, Lakshmi, shop around.

 “Dude, instead of going to Korea, let’s just grab a cab.”
“You know what, my Haitian friend? That idea ain’t half bad.”
Desert, U-17 national team, desert.

FIFA’s ban makes soccer in La Paz a no-no.
What to do? Sacrifice a llama and play 5v5 on a volcano.
No: I’m totally serious. That’s what the president of Bolivia did. He also told reporters, “Wherever you can make love, you can play sports,” which sounds nice but makes no sense whatsoever. And this is the same guy who ran on a platform of legalizing coca leaves. Rhyming couplets just won’t do justice to that kind of crazy.

There: the first post is out of the way. I’ll try and be a bit more productive from here on out.

June 11 – 2007

Wild days at the Soccernista home office, coupled with a brief server outage, have cut productivity. My apologies.

God knows you’re thirsting for the sweet, sweet nectar that drips from my keyboard, so here you go: an interview at Pyle of List featuring yours truly. PoL covers sports and the bloggers who cover them, and does so quite excellently, I might add.

Normal service will resume…at some point.

June 6 – 2007

I’m late with this, but I won’t apologize. I mean really:  Is it ever too late to be reminded that a Mancunian sporting a jail-house sweatshirt, clutching a McDonald’s bag, is not to be trusted? (Video courtesy WithLeather and TheOffside)Â

June 5 – 2007

When searching for an image to pair with yesterday’s Vegas blurb, I came across the following piece of nightmare fuel:

Yep, that’s Paul Breitner providing the meat in a Siegfried and Roy sandwich. And more unsettling, the image appears with the following tidbit:

….soccer legend Paul Breitner visits performing legends Siegfried & Roy on the eve of their 5,000^th show at The Mirage. Retired in 1983, with two World Cup titles under his belt, Breitner told the Magicians of the Century that he was amazed with their endurance and stamina.

Groooowwwllll.Â

No matter. Even the magic of Siegfried and Roy can’t touch the afro’d, lamb-chopped vision of Breitner that lives on in my heart.

June 4 – 2007

I can’t tell you how often it’s happened.  I’m in Vegas, weaving drunkenly through the recesses of some Italianate pickpocketorium, when it hits me: buffets, ultra-lounges, and the Spearmint Rhino are nice, but what what this place really needs is an MLS team.Â

Enter Paul Caligiuri, scorer of the most important goal in US soccer history and front-man of “Las Vegas Sports and Entertainment Group.” According to P-Cal, “The proposal on the table is by far the best proposal that this league has ever seen. The sports group is committed to building a franchise that will compete with teams in the rest of the world, not just MLS.” The franchise fee is ready to go, and all that’s needed now is the go ahead from the league brass.Â

Normally I wouldn’t give much thought to which US city will next have the chance to ignore an MLS club, but the idea of legalized gambling rubbing so closely with Don Garber’s ultra-sterile MLS intrigues me. Can the “youth player and soccer mom in every seat” vision coexist with the drunk guy holding a ticket on the Wizards at +155?Â

Should Garber look to other sports for direction, he’ll find the NFL, NBA, and MLB maintain an uneasy relationship with Vegas: gambling delivers a ready made and loyal fanbase, and in return the leagues treat gambling like an advanced case of social herpes. For its part, the Vegas MLS plan includes “a $500 million retractable-roof stadium, an adjacent hotel and casino, practice fields and other amenities on 200 acres.”  In other words, Bud Selig’s worst nightmare. According to MLSnet.com, however, there’s no problem:

Whereas some U.S. sports leagues have kept their distance from Las Vegas due to concerns over legalized gambling there, MLS says gaming is not an issue, according to league spokesman Dan Courtemanche.

Tough to say whether that means “it’s not a problem because no one gambles on MLS,” or “it’s not a problem if people want to gamble on MLS.” Regardless, Garber and company will eventually need to reason through the possibility that fans will be using halftime to grab a second half line rather than a hot-dog.Â

I’m not a big sports gambler, but I can recognize the value a wager can add to a sporting event of marginal interest. MLS is desperate for gains in attendance and viewership, and between those two realities, sparks may fly. A Vegas franchise would certainly be exciting, and for that reason alone you can probably bet against it. This is, after all, MLS.