May 11 – 2007

For the record:Â

• I anxiously await an “out” footballer and sincerely hope the sport of soccer is able to handle it when it happens.Â
• I feel the game has too many Robbie Fowlers, and not enough David Jameses.Â
• I believe soccer will only truly earn the moniker “The Beautiful Game” when homophobic chants are off the terraces. Â
• I am of the opinion that David Beckham and Ashley Cole have handled accusations of gayness (the former because of the comfort and dignity with which he handles his role as a “gay icon,” and the latter because of a possibly fake cell-phone photo) with class.Â
• I am a well adjusted straight man who is entirely at peace with the moral, ethical, and social norm that is homosexuality.

 That being said, this seems like an odd choice for an Adidas campaign:

Could Beckham’s “come hither” head-waggle, followed by jaw clench, followed by eyebrow raise be any more suggestive? And what’s with Ashley’s earring flashing like some beacon at a gay rodeo? Can we get a Morse code translation on that? And what, exactly, shoots off Ashley’s hat? And do I really want to know?

Thanks, Adidas, but I’d like to ponder the question “F50 or Predator?” without having to wonder if Becks and Cashley were wearing assless chaps during that shoot.

May 8 – 2007

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But don’t forget:Â God kills two every time Chelsea wins.Â

And now a quick roundup of some of the United title-talk flying around the ebays this week. Â

“The sight of Khalid Boulahrouz disappearing in disgrace down the tunnel a couple of minutes before half-time yesterday symbolised the internal divisions that appeared to destroy Chelsea’s attempt to win a third Premiership title in a row while fighting on three other fronts. But the mental and physical vigour of their second-half fightback explained exactly how they were able to win those two championships, the club’s first in half a century, and why, until less than a week ago, they remained in contention for a unique quartet of honours.” -Richard Williams, The Guardian

(more…)

May 8 – 2007

Many thanks to commenter and sometimes liveblogger, Nordy, for the tip that led to the following screenshot:

Even “Keane calls on players to raise the bar” looks dirty in that light.

May 7 – 2007

Ya boy got his debut goal this weekend. Against Liverpool. And it catapulted Fulham out of the drop-zone. Not bad.

Check the clip, and just to preemptively answer your question: His contract explicitly forbade crip-walking upon opening his Fulham account. Expect to see it after he adds to his total. Fo’ sho.

May 3 – 2007

I can’t introduce this video any better:

Bear with me here. I had serious doubts when this video opened with the question, “Do you think that Touzani is the best streetsoccer freestyle [sic] in the world?” I was all, “Oh, yeah, Touzani, who hasn’t heard of him?” And then it asked me my opinion on Ratinho, and I was like, “Seriously, fuck these guys.” But once you get past the first 55 seconds, some guy starts doing ridiculous crap with a ball, and it’s all set to Muse, and all becomes right in the world of cool Internet sports videos. -With Leather

Even with Matt’s promise, I almost canned this thing 49 seconds in. But if you can endure the spastic displays by the first two douchebags…

–

May 3 – 2007

The two best ideas I’ve heard this week, in reverse order:

1. “We should start drinking mint juleps at 9 am on Saturday and play the entire Churchill Downs card via simulcast.” -Lukey the Czech
2. “You should be able to pay a nominal fee to become part owner in an English club, then vote on player acquisitions, manager hirings, and team selection.”    -MyFootballClub.comÂ

The former idea is a no brainer, happens every year, and will (once again) result in heavy losses and epic drunkenness. The latter (brought to my attention by 101GreatGoals) deserves a bit of explanation.

For some time now, supporters of certain clubs have been able to acquire “ownership” through the purchase of publicly offered shares. For all but the wealthiest of individuals, this process resulted in little more than a framed certificate and false sense of entitlement. In other words, Joe Manchester won’t be having his say on the selection of  Chris Eagles any time soon.

MyFootball.com is aiming to change that with a relatively simple but ingenious plan:

50,000 MyFootballClub members are about to bid for an English football club. They will make history together, voting on team selection and on which players to buy and sell.
Members will attempt to guide the club up the leagues, sharing equal ownership and control. Just like a football management game – but for real.

70 bucks a pop gives supporters around $3.5 million to spend, so don’t expect to be part owner in Leeds anytime soon. Non-league clubs are more realistic targets, leaving open the enticing opportunity to ply our trade in the Unibond Premier League.

As for how successful a club like this could be, there is much to be said for the “wisdom of the crowd” (Francis Galton coined the term after a crowd survey yielded a remarkably accurate guess of “a slaughtered and dressed ox’s weight”). Sure, the average supporter/shareholder might not know a 3rd man run from a 3rd leg, but put the first team to a vote and you’ll probably get the best 11. Or at least a better 11 than David O’Leary could come up with.

The idea has real potential, but a $700 per person investment is probably more like it. I’d do it in a second. Then again, I consider a wager on a 1.5 ton animal ridden by an underfed Peruvian “an investment.” Still, can you imagine showing up at a ground to cheer on the side you helped acquire and select?Â

    Â

May 2 – 2007

It’s probably a bit post-modern to base an entire post on a something from the comment section, but…

A few weeks ago I attempted to set the world record for patience by spending a week in an RV for a surf trip with my parents. In my “don’t expect much this week” post, you’ll recall I made a cheap pun regarding a certain piece of soccer equipment. I also alluded to its “utter uselessness.” This, apparently, didn’t sit well with the makers of “SoccerWave.”

SoccerWave Teaches ball control with every part of the body, from trapping the ball, to heading the ball, to volley shots.
When you kick a ground ball into the SoccerWave, the spot where the ball hits determines where that rebound goes — high, low, right, or left. React fast using the right body part to improve your skill level.

The graduated curve keeps the ball in action. Practice split-second decisions and the moves that live-action play demands.

So, I guess it you still want to beat your head against a wall or start fires with Flint you can do so.
The rest of us are looking at the future of growing the interest in Soccer and helping kids along the way.

There’s much I find funny about this (i.e. the implication that Soccer Wave is a high-tech piece of equipment which only a Luddite could deny), but believe “Baba Oje’s” comment probably says it all.Â

I used to have one of these, except I just called it my garage door.

Priceless.

May 1 – 2007

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As commenter “Ben” brought to our attention, everyone’s favorite sociopath was at it again today:

“Manchester City will sell Joey Barton in the summer after the midfielder put his French team-mate Ousmane Dabo in hospital yesterday with a brutal and prolonged attack at the training ground. Dabo needed treatment for facial cuts after being repeatedly punched in an incident which was witnessed by a group of children who were watching the practice session.” -The Guardian

Rather mild stuff for a man who once stubbed a cigar out in a youth player’s eye and attacked a schoolboy Everton fan on holiday.  Honestly – what City calls “an embarrassment to the club,” Barton calls “a Tuesday.”

Of course, the operative word in the above quote is “sell” which, by necessity, demands the concept of “buy,” and I can’t quite fathom any club willing to pay hard currency for a man who makes Craig Bellamy look like a Brownie. I truly believe Barton is capable of ending a teammate’s, manager’s, or staffer’s life. In his best moments he is uncomfortably amusing, and everything past that point is just frightening.

Luckily, though, his handlers have the situation under control:

Barton’s agent Willie McKay, who acted for Dabo when he joined City, tried to pin the blame on the Frenchman. ‘Joey was defending himself. But because it is Joey it makes headlines. It happens on training grounds all over, from Chelsea to Yeovil.’

And that, people, is how you enable. Good luck, Joseph.