It’s better than “Flippo,” I suppose
May 23 - 2007
If you bought into ESPN’s “rematch” force-feed, you were likely very disappointed by yesterday’s Champions League finale (of course, if you buy into anything on ESPN, you likely have a black and red phone that doesn’t work, recurring nightmares about Magnus Ver Magnusson, and the annoying habit of yelling non sequiturs during highlights). It was a final, and informed fans know to approach finals with managed expectations.
AC Milan, after all, could not possibly have wanted an entertaining match; they are a superiorly organised side, and entertainment could come only at the cost of that organisation. Learning from the chaos of 2005 meant boring the pants off all of us in 2007. Mission accomplished.
Not that the game didn’t have its take-home moments. Andrea Pirlo continued to prove he is the most efficient handler of a soccer ball this side of Michel Platini. Kaka is just fantastic enough to excuse the massive number of times he gives the ball away. And Filippo Inzaghi looks like Mark Anthony.  Not just a little bit, either.
For Liverpool’s part, the conclusions were decidedly less fulfilling . Jermaine Pennant can weave drunkenly through a defense like…like a drunken Jermaine Pennant driving through shrubbery, but the result is always a poorly hit cross. The 60 additional minutes Peter Crouch deserved should be taken off Rafa’s stay at Anfield. And a team forced to field Boudewijn Zenden, in 2007, can count itself lucky to have gone as far as it did.
For the rest of us, we can only wonder why in Christ that game wasn’t in HD, and what blunt object would be best to stuff in Tommy Smyth’s onion bag to make him stop. The fact is this: both the Champions League and the World Cup now reside in Italy. Draw what conclusions you will regarding the potential for homoeroticization.Â
Tommy Smyth’s Onion bag thing has gone too far. It’s now to the point that sounds kind of homoerotic, kinda like the dialogue in Top Gun.
PS comparing Inzaghi to Marc Anthony = brilliant!
Comment by Jon Pyle — May 24, 2007 @ 1:01 pm
Inzaghi has a little Buscemi in him too…he’s probably 75 percent Marc, 25 percent Steve, 100 percent ugly as sin. I bet Maldini and Kaka love hangin’ out with him off the pitch, much like the two hot chicks that inevitably go out every night with the banged-up girl to make themselves look that much better.
I have no clue what Buster Bluth Benitez was doing yesterday…the guy drove them all the way to the final and then decided to turn the engine off. Zenden –> Kewell was about as effective as Curbishley –> Reed –> Pardew, just replacing one loser with another. The move at halftime in my opinion, as someone who watched about 90 percent of the club’s televised matches this year, was Arbeloa in at left back, move Riise up to wing and take Bolo Lattimer (a weird resemblence to the guy from The Program, no?) off the friggin’ pitch. He was as useless as could be, and you saw that about two minutes in.
But as I’ve been saying since yesterday, this loss for the Reds shows their weaknesses and their vulnerabilities, and it’s probably the best thing that could have happened. Now it’s time to open up the yankee checkbook and go get some wing help — the lack of a left mid killed them all year and it finally caught up to them.
See you all in 2009 for Round III, winner take all. Hopefully Gerrard won’t look so patently exhausted.
Comment by Ace Cowboy — May 24, 2007 @ 4:51 pm
Do you think they make a special long armed jersey for Crouch?
Yes…I just asked that.
Comment by Kimmy — May 24, 2007 @ 5:26 pm
Liverpool just couldn’t counter Milan’s desirable standing victorious this time. +1 for the Magnus ver Magnusson reference, you couldn’t turn on ESPN in the late90s-early 00s without hearing that name. Honestly looking back it seems like ESPN2=The World’s Strongest Man channel, that was their only programming besides 9-ball tournaments. Those were the days..
Comment by Team Success — May 25, 2007 @ 4:48 am