First Kick First Impressions
April 10 – 2007
Forming a topic sentence to do justice to all that was “First Kick” is beyond me. So pass that age old blogger’s crutch, the bullet point.
Nothing says excitement like empty bleachers and football lines. Or both. Attendance is what it is, but how could games on football fields not have been banned explicitly when MLS launched in 1996?  Right or wrong, someone tuning into a Real Salt Lake game would be left with only one conclusion: this whole soccer thing isn’t going so hot. Plus there’s no beer in the stadium. Welcome to hell.- Sacha Klejstan still looks like Todd from Wedding Crashers, and Chivas USA are still slowly working their hooks into me. Greasy, Mexican hooks, that is.
- Funny, the exact same thing that happened to Deadspin’s David Hershey happened to yours truly. I had every intention of sticking it out, and it wasn’t that the game was that bad, but…second half rolls around and I’m drooling on the couch.  Channeling Hirshey: it’s not you, MLS, it’s me.
- Despite only surviving 45 minutes, I feel comfortable in handing the title to DC United. What’s that? They still decide the title by scrapping the regular season for a bracketed free-for-all? You don’t say. Too bad for DC, because they are a quality side (forgive them for taking the Rapids lightly after playing FRICKING CHIVAS GUADALAJARA). Jaime Moreno and Christian Gomez are awfully, awfully good, and they’re surrounded by a very serviceable cast of Olsens, Boswells, and Emilios. The combined effect gives the look of a solid side. Of course, occasionally the ball will find it’s way to Fecundo Erpen and the whole thing will go to shit. He should change the name on the back of his shirt to “salary cap,” or “parity guarantor,” or something.
- My favorite MLS preview headline: “Are you ready for some futbol?” You slay me, Greg Lalas’s cat.
- Justin Mapp, everybody! Love the way this is going, but still: does anyone else get the feeling this particular Mapp will lose it’s way?  For all his talent, I can’t shake the notion he doesn’t have a savy enough soccer brain to fall back on when the going gets tough. Could be wrong. Hope I’m wrong.
Can we get FC Dallas to put a free-weight set behind their bench for Kenny Cooper to get reps in pre-game, halftime, and during dead balls? Pass the A-1.- I’m as excited as the next 14 year-old about Beckham coming to MLS, but the league/ESPN might do well to give the angle a rest. In addition to the hilarious  “Where the hell is Beckham?” articles spawned by the onslaught of hype, the very real possibility remains that Beckham could tear an ACL before ever pulling on a Galaxy jersey. Or lose an eye to a cold Victoria nipple. Meanwhile, every last piece of MLS promotional material continues to revolve on the Beckham axis. There’s potential heartache at the end of that road.Â
At any rate, bring on “Second Kick!”