US-Guatemala Liveblog
March 28 - 2007Â
10 minutes ’til kick-off, and I can’t wait to see me some blue pinstripes. Snazzy.
“Pizza Hut Park” always sounds like double-speak. Couldn’t they just have called it “The Pizza Hut?” No, I’ve got it, “Meat Lovers Park.” That way, Rob Stone could start broadcasts the same way he starts his mornings: “Coming to you live, from Meat Lovers Park!”
Pre-Game: Did Rob Stone start trash-talking Carlos Ruiz before the kick-off? Nordy mentioned this on Sunday, but ESPN needs to reign these guys in. They really do act like their broadcasting for their buddies in a bar.
2:30Â Mapp dangerous up the flank, but he showed terrible judgement in picking out Johnson.Â
6:00 Simek, Spector, and DeMerit in the back: the 75% Coca-Cola Championship backline. Get Conrad a transfer to Ipswich, and we’re in business.
10:30 “Guatemala - a bunch of 5 foot nothings.” Yes, love the dig on Pre-Columbian civilization. Can’t wait until we play Japan and Wynalda notes their “highly mathematical approach to the game.” Dick.
14:00 Ruiz is hammering Conrad every chance he gets. It’ll be interesting to see if Conrad comes up with a response: granted he’s tough, but we need a center back who’s on the giving end of that stuff, not the receiving.
18:00 Landon puts Johnson through, and Johnson keeps the sheet clean. Johnson actually hasn’t looked terrible, but he does have that “I’m not going to score no matter what happens” look about him.Â
20:00 The “Y” in the “Jay” gets my vote. The US needs more clearly drunk, strong-fat fans.Â
23:00 Midway through the first half, and no let-up in sight for the Wynalda talkathon. Â
29:00 Twellman benched with “flu-like” symptoms. I’m going to assume those include aches, pains, and an inability to transfer goalscoring prowess from MLS to international play.
35:00Â Had some numbers there on the break, and that went…nowhere.Â
38:00  ”Eddie Johnson was disappointed last week when he only played 45 minutes.”  Also, Kasey Keller can’t understand why he hasn’t been asked to do the new Pert Plus campaign.
42:00  Wynalda doesn’t like how this game is going and, frankly, neither do I. It’s boring, and I kind of hope a fight does break out.Â
43:00 Ruiz is allowed to volley a ball that drops to knee-height on the corner of the six. I’d blame Conrad, but he’s such a feel-good story! I’ll blame the system instead. If only US Youth Soccer had given him more attention…
Halftime: Yikes. What a sleeper. Thank God there are minorities involved, or there would be absolutely no reason to continue watching; you really do get the feeling Wynalda could let loose with some comments that just might get him fired.Â
But not before he delivers Red-card, Yellow-card: “And what I have to say might surprise you.” Not unless it’s “I don’t really mind that Landon is overtaking my scoring record, because I’m boning Bianca behind his back. We’ve done it in their Manhattan Beach bed. Twice. She tastes like green onions and strawberries.”
Halftime: That Panasonic commercial pisses me off. Do they really expect us to believe some dude would let his whole world go to shit just because Michigan State is playing Illinois? I’m watching the US National Team play, and I won’t even let the dog look at me…let alone help himself to the fridge.
Halftime: Wynalda backs away from his “the refereeing crew is Mexican” comment.  He stopped just short of “some of my best friends are beaners.”
49:00 Spector gets wrongsided and I’ll admit: my adrenaline surged…until I realized this wasn’t a West Ham match. Regardless, my night is now ruined.
50:00 Dempsey’s Fulham move couldn’t have come at a worse time, and I’m reluctant to criticize, but you’d have to say: he obviously isn’t getting enough matches. He looks like he’s trying to impersonate himself out there.
55:00Â Ruiz nearly knocks in a bomb from just outside Guatemala City.Â
57:00 Cooper to replace EJ Feilhaber. I think I spotted Cooper chug a beer, toss aside a Lacrosse stick, and makeout with a pre-frosh before entering the game.
60:00Â Looks like Bradley will give Johnson a good run-out so no one will question his subsequent dropping.
62:00 Spector…no! Swings the meat slab at the round thing and comes up empty. Come on you Hammers!
63:00Â Good chance for Mapp.Â
65:00 “Guatemala has done a good job of killing this game.” A cheap-shot, compliment , and US excuse all rolled into one. Wynalda is a genius, I tell you.
68:00Â Mull-an?
73:00 So between this game and last, I’m almost ready to say I like Michael Bradley. I’m never really worried when he’s around the ball. Plus he’s not Pablo Mastroeni.
79:00 The Guatemalan keeper is a total adventure. That was a chipped cross, and he flailed at it like a salmon. (Do they have salmon in Guatemala? Remind me to ask the nanny tomorrow.)
84:00 All credit to Donovan. He’s been very positive tonight, and was again there after that foul on Cooper. He was going to goal no matter what.Â
88:00 The Guatemalan keeper nearly gets trapped by paper streamers, and the Texas border patrol nearly catches themselves another Central American illegal. Speaking of which, what’s with the empty seats? Not enough Guatemalans in Frisco? Damn Minutemen.Â
90:00 “ok, poll to those looking at the comments. keep bradley or hire a new manager?” Yes. -Sunil Gulati
Full Time: My eyes! That game makes me want to join the marines in some futile gesture of patriotic suicide. I refuse to let my brain learn anything from that. Except maybe that Eddie Johnson is done, the Coca Cola backline did OK, and Brian Mullan ushered in a new era in US Soccer. That kid ruled me, and I’m online ordering my Mullan jersey (p-stripes). Right. Now.
Thanks for joining in, fellow self-mutilators.Â
Good news…the Czechs survived Cyprus today winning 1-0 in Euro qualifing…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:06 pm
Is it me, or does Eddie Johnson get worse the more he plays?
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:15 pm
Why would Wynalda suggest that this is a tougher game than Ecuador?
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:16 pm
Well no telemundo / univision feed so I’m stuck listening to Wynalda, but at least no Arena…
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 9:19 pm
One more time, Eddie Johnson is disgraceful…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
Someone needs to tell Ruiz: “Fat, angry, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
Comment by Nordy — March 28, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
Just tuned in– no Dave O’Brien? But from where will we get all those juicy yet inept comparisons to homeruns in baseball?
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:26 pm
Nice to see Demerit get a call up.
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 9:27 pm
Johnson has been awful, couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat. Can’t control a ball, can’t score, wtf is he on the field for???
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:28 pm
jesus christ this game is boring
*flips back to mtv true life ‘I Self Injure*
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:29 pm
Some good Czech beer will get you through. If not czech, might I suggest Grolsch…great Dutch beer.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:30 pm
I’m drinking formula. Aw yeah!
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 9:30 pm
simek looks like hes been punched in the face 37 times too many
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:31 pm
Please give us some Kenny Cooper. EJ is done.
Comment by Nordy — March 28, 2007 @ 9:32 pm
Could I add that EJ likes to run away from the ball?? He stinks…I’d rather watch Wynalda play…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:33 pm
jobicoppola,
Tell your wife to stop holding out on you. Her tit milk tastes great!
Comment by Nordy — March 28, 2007 @ 9:33 pm
Rob Stone is now referring to the 4 U.S. games this year as “this season”…”Donovan has scored in every fashion this season”….
Hey wife, another beer pleassssseeeeeeeeeeee
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:34 pm
20:00 The “Y†in the “Jay†gets my vote. The US needs more clearly drunk, strong-fat fans.
Cheese curds and brats ain’t miss ya.
Comment by Nordy — March 28, 2007 @ 9:35 pm
donovan looks he’s still appletini hungover from celebrating his hat trick
btw i dont think ive heard the announcers say the name of one guatemalan player besides ruiz so far
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:36 pm
shout out for ‘the dick’ in denver. love it.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:36 pm
It’s official….Rob Stone sucks…he plays in a co-ed league. In the Czech Republic, we don’t even allow the women to step on the pitch except to replace the divots at halftime…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:37 pm
donovan and twellman use the same stylist
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:38 pm
Twellman has been text messaging Stoner?!!?? Do you think Wynalda is jealous?
Comment by Nordy — March 28, 2007 @ 9:38 pm
Our defenders seem content to turn it over on every pass forward.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:39 pm
i mean are you for real carlos ruiz, you fucking pussy
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:40 pm
What a terrible header. Can’t finish from 3 yards, terrible.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:43 pm
“Johnson showing some confidence in the corner”
So what, again giving the ball away. He’s the worst player on the pitch…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:45 pm
Eric is going to meet up with Eddie in Africa. Where is he going with this?? I though Eddie was from Florida?
Jack-off…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:46 pm
this is ummmmm. not good soccer.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:47 pm
mmm…breast milk. now all i need is a nap, and this game is my lullaby.
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 9:47 pm
4 million dollars, 52 minutes…you do the math.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:47 pm
they don’t train either in the rain/indoors in england? i find that a bit hard to believe eric.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:48 pm
EJ with a dive after a great cross…epitomizing a great half of soccer by The Deuce’s buddy.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
Hahahah….”he is Mexican”…I love Wynalda
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:53 pm
holy shit wynalda, accusing the ref of favoritism towards guatemala because ‘he is mexican’?
that is the greatest thing i have ever heard
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 9:54 pm
The Mexican Ref conspiracy theory. Nice Wynalda.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:54 pm
That half was pretty crap.
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 9:54 pm
Boring…tough to watch Eddie Johnson when you’re used to watch Jan Koller, NO COMPARISON.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 9:55 pm
Piss poor half. On a brighter note for haters of England like myself, England looked like shite this week too. And yes, I am including their 3-0 win over mighty Andorra.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 9:55 pm
“flips back to mtv true life ‘I Self Injure’ ”
I self injure, too: I’m watching this game.
Comment by garth — March 28, 2007 @ 9:58 pm
i am taping the match, but i caught a glimpse of keller in goal. i guess itll be ‘guaranteed win night’ for guatemala.
Comment by herr schwein — March 28, 2007 @ 10:13 pm
mapp runs like a chicken scurries
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 10:14 pm
Eddie Johnson is officially a “poser”…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:16 pm
Spector is terrible…I guess that explains his starting spot at West Ham.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:21 pm
sticking with that theme,
eddie johnson = marlon harwood
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 10:23 pm
nice hit spector.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:26 pm
The flub shot by your left back..
Johnaaathooon Speeecttoooooorrrrrrrrrrrr
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:26 pm
When is ESPN going to get the camera angles correct?? It’s ridiculous that they don’t have a camera behind the goal…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
not bad from mapp. alright, i want the announcers to quit complaining about guatemala putting 10 men behind the ball in defense. we play in CONCACAF and that is what most of these teams will do against us. we have to do a better job at breaking them down.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
Good grief, please take EJ off…
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
EJ with the good for nothing I’m kind of trying to head the ball jump…ridiculous
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
“I think I spotted Cooper chug a beer, toss aside a Lacrosse stick, and makeout with a pre-frosh before entering the game.”
That is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Seriously, stop it. You are killing me.
Comment by Carlos — March 28, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
Cooper is a man-child, fa sho.
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 10:34 pm
we’d better get a set-piece goal. ’cause it sure as hell doesn’t look like it will come from the run of play.
good to see ‘the next pele’ adu here with roy williams. oh, had pele actually done something in soccer by this age?
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:34 pm
It would be nice if Wynalda would just say it and stop beating around the bush. Eddie Johnson should NOT be on the is national team!!!!!!!!
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:37 pm
Hopefully Spector stays in East London and never makes it back to a US jersey…
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
‘he comes straight down on his butt’
is eric talking about the guatemalan goalie or landon?
Comment by ziploc b — March 28, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
“another guatemalan down on the field”–sigh. we need to get either non-american announcers or non-national team apologists. these guys are not… very good.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
Let’s be serious Allen Hopkins…Guatemala stinks, they have no chance in any real tournament.
Comment by Lukey the Czech — March 28, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
whoa! good buildup from the u.s. where the hell has that been all game?
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
ok, poll to those looking at the comments. keep bradley or hire a new manager?
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
rob stone. you really annoy me. and should annoy any viewers.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:48 pm
I say they hire Roy Keane.
Comment by jobicoppola — March 28, 2007 @ 10:57 pm
god this keeper is a disaster
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:58 pm
boo.
Comment by bobsaccomano — March 28, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
sweet christ that was a boring game
Comment by pbdotc — March 29, 2007 @ 1:09 pm