Press Release

March 14 - 2007 

MLS and Bundesliga have announced a first of its kind, ”knowledge sharing” agreement.  Every bit as useless as the Arsenal-Colorado Rapids arrangement, the union between the two leagues will consist of a “sharing of best practices in areas such as player development, refereeing, and stadium design.”  Exciting stuff.

In this spirit, Soccernista is pleased to announce that it too will be partnering with a select few corporations, entities, inanimate objects, and concepts.  All parties will share “best practices” for the (no doubt) unilateral benefit of Soccernista itself. 

These new partners include…

• Fox Soccer Channel.  Per our agreement, I will watch the network religiously on both Saturday and Sunday mornings, and occasionally on Wednesday nights.  Programming will be beamed into my living room; therefore the arrangement will likely involve a lengthy union between my ass and the living room couch.  Furthermore, I will share “discovered knowledge” regarding the awfulness of Max Bretos, Ethan Zohn, and Mitch Peacock.  Here goes: they suck.
• Chivas USA.  This is more of a capitulation than an agreement.  They have decent food at the games, so I will (on occasion) exchange hard earned currency for overpriced tickets.  In addition to said food, the club will provide  gratuitous, machismo-fueled cleavage displays courtesy the Chivas Girls.  Welcome to the Soccernista family, ladies.
•  the beverage known as beer.  Here, “exchange best practices” can be understood to mean: “will consume with degrees of responsibility ranging from ‘not very’ to ‘clearly hates himself’.”  Often, this partnership will commence before noon, and will almost certainly involve a forfiture of my wife’s respect in return for “good times.”
• Schadenfreud.  Profit-sharing, best-practices, knowledge exchange - whatever - I need the stuff like a drug.  Because if it weren’t for moments like Stan Lazaridis testing positive for ‘roids and blaming it on his hair-growing meds, my life would be less tolerable.