Bob Bradley issues anti-danish fatwa

January 22 - 2007

It can be tough to drum up much fervor for a meaningless friendly, especially when Jimmy Conrad captains one of the sides. (I am surprised, though, that ESPN didn’t play up the “Who will radical Islamists be rooting for in today’s match: the Hegemonic United States of Evil or the Muhammad-cartooning infidels of Denmark?” angle. Someone’s asleep at the wheel in Bristol.) At any rate, a game was played and conclusions will be drawn. Here’s a sampling from across the interweb-tube:

• “…the performances of Mapp and Cooper at least offer a glimmer of hope that such displays will continue once the stage gets bigger. And it was obvious that the more relaxed circumstances didn’t seem to help players such as Landon Donovan.” - Soccernet’s Jeff Carlisle
• “And now I?m going to say something I never thought I?d say. I kind of enjoyed Bruce Arena. Say what you will about the man ? I?m usually first in that line ? I found his commentary interesting in that his first hand expertise with the team, not to mention his loose mouth, allowed for some solid critiques and criticism, even if I didn?t always agree with him. Or maybe it was because he was sitting next to two worthless idiots.” - This is American Soccer
• “As for Landon Donovan, it was an uneventful performance. Yes, he converted the penalty kick but he didn’t do much else. I’m not going to rip him too much, not as much as some fans who think he should be benched…If he has another uneventful showing against Mexico then it may be time to seriously question where his game is right now.” Soccernet’s Ives Galarcep
• “Bornstein and Cooper, along with Justin Mapp, were the bright spots on the field for the US, with most of the other players either underperforming or providing their usual level of competence…Donovan seemed to not bring enough of his talent to the table playing on the right side of midfield and didn’t impose himself on the proceedings as one would hope from arguably the team’s most talented player.” - Matchnight

And here’s the report card…make sure your parents sign it, then return it to me…and no, Landon, Bianca’s signature won’t count:

1. Reis - Didn’t have much to do, but looked uncomfortable doing it. So low on the depth chart that it makes Preston Burpo look like a contender. C
2. Albright - Gives Bradley a first chance to distance himself from the Arena-era: cut him and cut him hard. D
3. Boswell - Didn’t stand out either way, which is probably a positive for a center-back. B
4. Jonathan Bornstein - I’ve come down off my man-crush, but still carry a flame. Impressive debut, but you have to wonder if Bornstein will really be able to cut the mustard against worldclass competition. B+
5. Jimmy Conrad - A nice story, but did himself no favors. Lacked pace, decision making was poor, head was too large for body. Get the feeling he’s just happy to be there. C
6. Donovan - At some point the question of whether or not he is the future of American soccer will cease to be asked. I’m at that point, and I think Landon is too. D+
7. Ricardo Clark - Industrious effort. B-
8. Pablo Mastroeni - Provided much needed experience and was comfortable throughout. But what’s with the Paul Scholes-esque rush of blood followed by ankle-wrenching tackle? Tranquilo, man. B
9. Eddie Johnson - More like Crappie Johnson. F
10. Chris Rolfe - I like Rolfe as an MLS player, but can’t see him achieving long-term success at this level. Plus, the pre-pubescent Norman Rockwell thing creeps me out. Needs some sort of facial scarring/neck tattoo to have a chance at a roster spot. C+
11. Nate Jaqua - A 7-footer who can’t play with his back to goal? Next. D
12. Justin Mapp - Yackpot! That run wasn’t just good; it was the best thing we’ve seen out of a US player in the last 4 years. Go get ‘em against Mexico. A
13. Heath Pearce - Exquisite ball to Cooper. B
14. Kenny Cooper - A well taken goal sees his stock continue to rise, and likely seals up a start against Mexico. ‘Bout time the US had a man-child of its own.