Really, you shouldn’t have.

December 12 - 2007

Ever since the beginning of the Roman Era, we’ve become accustomed to focusing our hate on Chelsea FC. Sure, we still dislike the Arsenals, Liverpools, and Tottenhams of the world, but our hate-o-meter only truly spikes for the Blues.

This monopoly on hatred has had some unintended consequences. We, like other Chelsea haters, have found ourselves in the unfamiliar position of supporting ManU in their latest title quest. Sure, we know our support for the Mancs is really just an extension of our hate for The Special One, Didier the Diver, and Ricardo Shitvalho, but still…rooting for the Red Devils? It just doesn’t sit well.

We miss hating United, and feel the time has come to reallocate some of the poison. Thankfully, Manchester United have offered up two excellent reasons to hate them today:

1. Alex Ferguson acknowledged the unlikely support of other-than-Chelsea fans, saying, “The neutrals do want us to win… It will take me a long time to get used to that but I am working on it.”

Yes, Sir Alex, we hope you win it, but please don’t mistake this for affection. We actually hope you win the trophy, fall from atop the double-decker victory bus, and are crushed beneath its cruel wheels. You are but a blunt object with which to break the hearts of Chelsea fans everywhere. So please stop “working on it.”

2. The Manchester United Opus, with a cost of nearly $6000, was released today. Some specs:

• Dimensions: 52cm x 52cm
• Leather Bound - By hand
• Over 800 pages, 2,000 images, and 400,000 words
• Hand-stitched Printed on 200gsm silk-coated paper
• Handmade, wood and silk, clam-shell box
• Weighs over 34kg Each copy is personally signed by Sir Alex Ferguson and Sir Bobby Charlton
• Includes a zip-locked baggie containing an actual, Gary Neville turd.

The last of those specs might not be entirely accurate, but maybe Opus should have gone the extra mile and made it happen.