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We’ve heard plenty about the football diddlings of Rod Stewart, Gavin Rossdale, and Noel Gallagher. But only Serge Pizzorno, guitarist for UK rockers Kasabian, can claim the best goal ever scored in SoccerAM’s “Road to Wembley” competition. And though it may not reach the heights of the one-armed bandit hitting Helen “properly in the face,” it’s a great strike nonetheless.
For two weeks in a row, we’d made mistakes tabulating Lukey’s bankroll. It will never happen again. Why? Because we’re terrified of the Czech people.
Lukey the Czech is up $121.27 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers). We’re sure. Very, very sure.
Lukey’s picks are after the jump. (more…)
Joe Cole’s bachelor party hits the peelers, and stumbles away with a $30,000 tab.
Ladbrokes posts lower profits in October because of a lack of upsets. Are they worried? No, because they know you’re nursing a low-grade gambling addiction.
Jose Mourinho wants to know why the Bridge is so quiet. We’ll tell you why: high ticket prices, prawns, and fans like these.
The Freddy Adu-Manchester United link from an English perspective: actual trial or mere marketing strategy?
It looks like Mike Newell will be keeping his job at Luton Town despite his chauvinistic tirade against a female linesman. The FA is still investigating the remarks, but a Luton board meeting came and went without Newell ending up in the sack. Newell has apologized, and the club has released a statement saying the manager had been “severely reprimanded.” We assume this involved a full beer penalty, some high fives, and a towel snap in the locker-room.
Coincidentally, Newell’s comments came in the same fixture (Luton vs. QPR) that inspired Ian Holloway to compare his team’s victory to a less than gorgeous “bird” you bring home from a bar, as in “not the best, but we’ll shag her anyway.” Observe.
The FA will likely be announcing required sensitivity-training for all Coca-Cola managers by the end of the week.
Today, La Opinion is reporting that Luis Figo is set to sign a 5-year deal with Red Bull New York worth $20million dollars. The deal would be permissible under the Designated Player Rule.
If anyone can explain to us how a $20million splash on a single player is a good idea for an MLS club, have at it. Will Figo put $20million worth of asses in seats? Will $20million in Red Bull be sold because Luis Figo wears the shirt? Will Figo bring $20million worth of titles to New York?
And listen up, Don Garber. Why, in God’s name, would you not allow a team to diffuse $20 million throughout an entire roster? Can you imagine how much improvement an MLS club could get for that kind of money? Why must you continue to dictate how owners spend their money?
Paying attention to the MLS is maddening. Currently, our frustration levels are so high, there’s only one thing for it: a Swiss puppet-show featuring Sepp Blatter in which two puppets are red-carded by God for boning. It makes about as much sense.
Last week, when MLS released its Competitive Initiatives for 2007, the “Beckham Rule” became law. Thoughtfully renamed the “Designated Player Rule,” the provision allows each team to extend their salary beyond the cap, for one player, without affecting the club’s overall salary allotment. Essentially, the sky is the limit, but it all has to end up in one place.
Rename it whatever you like, but we’re making the call now: this rule is designed specifically to allow the signing of David Beckham himself. He will sign for an MLS team in the next 8 months. Take it to the bank. Or Ladbrokes.
How can we be so sure? Supporting evidence, after the jump. (more…)
The sack race is over, and Iain Dowie has crossed the line first. Charlton engaged in a thorough fact-finding process and have determined that not only should Dowie no longer manage the Addicks, but that he never should have been hired in the first place. That’s not just a firing, it’s an ass kicking.
We feel bad for Dowie, but only because he is blindingly unhandsome. As far as the firing goes, he deserves it, and not just because Charlton are cellared. The manner in which Dowie arrived at The Valley was sketchy at best, and anyone who skips so quickly between hated rivals could use a humbling.
Plus, we’ve never quite forgiven him for the own-goal he scored on our beloved Hammers. Watch this, and prove it wasn’t deliberate.
In the interest of full disclosure: we’ve taken a rather cynical stance on Major League Soccer. We’ve mocked their chosen savior, belittled the playoff structure, and railed against the absence of relegation. Our dirty little secret, though, is that we occasionally enjoy the matches. When Bruce Arena took the handoff from Dave O’Brien, turned slowly to address the camera, and proceeded to read a prepared statement in the style of some effeminate zombie, we knew MLS Cup ‘06 was upon us. And we were excited.
Highlights of the game can be found here, and our thoughts, randomly assorted though they may be, can be found after the jump. (more…)
Lukey’s heating up, and you know what that means: time to buy stock in pilsner and polish meats. His bankroll swelled last week to $134.54 (based on $5 and $10 mythical wagers); not since the World Cup have we seen such a positive swing. Let’s see if this Bavarian hay-ride can keep rolling, after the jump. (more…)
We can think of nothing more boring than following a host country’s preparations for a World Cup that’s 3-years off. Unless, of course, the host country has a 20% AIDS infection rate, a rampant crime problem, and an infrastructure better suited to smuggling diamonds than accomodating football fans.
Yes, the World Cup is coming to South Africa, whether they’re ready or not. Or as Sepp Blatter puts it, “Plan C and B in my opinion is still South Africa.” Plan D, ostensibly, does not exist, and that may make for some unintentional comedy in the years to come. Please know: we’re rooting for South Africa. But we also have a feeling the realities on the ground don’t quite match up to the sunny views streaming from FIFA and South African officials.
Therefore, as the World Cup approaches, we’ll be keeping you up to date on the reality gap. After the jump, we peek in on where you’ll be sleeping off your hangovers during the summer of 2010. (more…)