Wildlife

November 10 - 2006

We can think of nothing more boring than following a host country’s preparations for a World Cup that’s 3-years off. Unless, of course, the host country has a 20% AIDS infection rate, a rampant crime problem, and an infrastructure better suited to smuggling diamonds than accomodating football fans.

Yes, the World Cup is coming to South Africa, whether they’re ready or not. Or as Sepp Blatter puts it, “Plan C and B in my opinion is still South Africa.” Plan D, ostensibly, does not exist, and that may make for some unintentional comedy in the years to come. Please know: we’re rooting for South Africa. But we also have a feeling the realities on the ground don’t quite match up to the sunny views streaming from FIFA and South African officials.

Therefore, as the World Cup approaches, we’ll be keeping you up to date on the reality gap. After the jump, we peek in on where you’ll be sleeping off your hangovers during the summer of 2010.

From the FIFA executive report on South Africa’s hotel network:

The hotel sector in South Africa is first-rate. The Inspection Group confirms that there are enough hotel rooms to accommodate everyone taking part in the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

And yet, all indicators suggest a housing crunch is likely. For instance:

• Early last month, South African officials announced an initiative to boost the number of hotel rooms. They also encouraged fans to stay at guesthouses in the cities’ townships, which likely violates FIFA’s advice to stay in tourist zones for fear of violent crime.
• This month, as the reality of the hotel room situation becomes clearer, FIFA has announced a freeze on hotel rates. Understandably, hotel owners are outraged; the northern hemisphere’s summer is South Africa’s low-season, and locking in rates will limit World Cup profits.
• But you know the housing crunch is coming when officials start suggesting fans stay at safari lodges. “Imagine a game drive in the morning followed by a match that evening,” says the Minister of Tourism. Yeah, we can imagine a Land Rover full of sunburnt English fans drinking Old Speckled Hen, yelling at the Hippos, “Oi, Frankie Lampard, you’ll be late for the match, son!” Brilliant idea.

We’re possessed of a gambler’s spirit, so we’ll conclude theses little check-ins with some odds estimates. Current odds:

• a supporter is mauled by some form of wildlife - 3/1
• a supporter is killed in an incident of violent crime (not related to hooliganism) - 2/1
• a fan equipped with nothing more than in internet connection can secure a reservation at a hotel with an ice machine - 1/1
• South Africa will actually host the World Cup - 1/5