Pass the Valium

October 31 – 2006

You know what else is wrong with the MLS playoffs? They’re too damn exciting. Seriously.

The final moments of this past weekend’s MLS games were just a bit too action packed. Two of the matches devolved into chaos after the whistle, and one sparked a full fledged riot. All were clearly charged to the breaking point, with players literally risking everything to extend their seasons. And therein lies the problem: can the league really expect to maintain civility when 6 months of meaningless games are shoved through a win-or-go-home bottleneck in the dying moments of a single match? The result reminded me of one of those downhill cheese races for money.

Create single, inorganic home-and-away games with winner take all, and the shit is guaranteed to fly. True to form, Pablo Mastroeni and the Rapids went on an obscene gesture binge after the final whistle, cementing their position as the league’s standard-bearers for post-match debauchery. This eventually sparked a truly ridiculous display by Dallas keeper Dario Silva, leaving the moral high-ground glaringly empty. In Houston, it was an outrageous tackle in the dying seconds that sparked a relatively mild fisticuffs. No one went quietly into the night.

Don Garber, we’re sure, regards this level of passion as validation for his playoff scheme. But we wonder: might diffusing that passion throughout the season make for an overall more exciting, better attended league? Indeed, ditching the playoffs and channeling the incendiary playoff atmosphere into a slow burn that lasts an entire campaign could benefit everyone involved. That, and psychotherapy for Mastroeni.

Because in the end, these matches were exciting mostly in a Brazilian Segundo league sort of way: sure, someone might score an amazing goal, but it’s just as likely someone will punch a mascot.