Landon’s “comfort” Given its own show
October 30 - 2006
Before the World Cup, we made known our concerns regarding Landon Donovan and his apparent obsession with comfort. Our fears were confirmed when Landocrap let loose a string of unbelievably bad performances, and we pretty much eliminated the guy from our consciousness. But now he’s back, and he’s more comfortable than ever.
We invite you to take an MTV Cribs tour into the oh-so comfortable belly of the beast, after the jump.
Couple of thoughts here:
- For those of you living outside the Southland, Donovan lives in the very comfortable hamlet of Manhattan Beach. And by comfortable, we mean there are no Mexicans and no black people there. Or, at least, no black people who don’t play for the Lakers.
- The girl on screen is none other than actress, Bianca Kajlich. Yes, Landon came home from Germany, pouted his way out of San Jose, and refuses to leave LA, all for a girl with a butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. No word yet on whether MTV will be touring the trailer she grew up in.
- Landon’s dogs have funny names. “Loki” is the mythical being of mischief in Norse mythology, and is commonly referred to as (and we’ll leave you to connect the dots back to Landon) the “contriver of all fraud.” “Thor” and “Luna” have less ironic names, but they’re easy to spell.
- “The kill hangout, relax, serene, nice room.” This doubles as Landon’s description of the LA Galaxy midfield.
- Bianca on the kitchen: “This room is responsible for us living here.” Actually, Bianca, Landon’s being hit by lightning in the 2002 World Cup, combined with MLS’s decision to gamble on him developing into a recognizable star, is responsible for you “living here.” That, and America’s willingness to watch mindless shit on television.
- Beer in the fridge? Yeah, right. We all know Landon drinks cosmopolitans. With a straw.
- “Let’s head upstairs, where the magic happens.” Believable, if by “magic” you mean “Bianca wears a strap-on.”
- Yes, Landon, we know Tempurpedics are comfortable. You love comfort. You’re comfortable. We get it.
Let’s face it, Landon is hella boring. He’s kind of like Ben Stein:
“Bueller…”
I cannot fathom having the opportunities he had and making the decisions he did. There is just no. fucking. way. Unfortunately, those kind of choices led directly to the kind of performances we saw in Germany. But hey, as long you’re comfortable, right buddy?
Comment by jobicoppola — October 30, 2006 @ 7:40 pm
I’m disgusted…what kind of pussy shows off a Chevy Trailblazer?? Oh, here’s my $23K piece of shit SUV…did I mention I have beer in the fridge, yup - Corona light anyone?? OH, afterwards we’ll sit on my balcony and what the white curtain blow in the wind. I’m embarrassed for this guy…Landocrap Crapovan is just what I expected…
Comment by LG — October 30, 2006 @ 9:19 pm
Since I quit watching the first time at about two minutes because of how much dumber I was getting, I thought you were kidding about the Blazer. Nope!
“Thanks to the folks at Chevy…”
wtf, you pwnt yourself Lando Calpussian.
Comment by jobicoppola — October 30, 2006 @ 9:33 pm
Whose wife (not named Anna Benson) is more of a media whore: Mrs. Damon or Mrs. Donovan?
Comment by FF — October 31, 2006 @ 2:38 pm
Not “it’s own.”
“its own.”
Prove to me you went to high school.
Comment by Beely — October 31, 2006 @ 3:21 pm
[...] courtesy Soccernista [...]
Pingback by Landon Donovan’s Crib « YouTube For Everything — November 1, 2006 @ 12:58 am
Well, I guess it’s plain to see….you are all pretty bitter….and jealous!
Comment by pck — November 2, 2006 @ 3:35 am
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Comment by insurance adjuster — November 12, 2006 @ 6:22 pm
[...] In the interest of full disclosure: we’ve taken a rather cynical stance on Major League Soccer. We’ve mocked their chosen savior, belittled the playoff structure, and railed against the absence of relegation. Our dirty little secret, though, is that we occasionally enjoy the matches. When Bruce Arena took the handoff from Dave O’Brien, turned slowly to address the camera, and proceeded to read a prepared statement in the style of some effeminate zombie, we knew MLS Cup ‘06 was upon us. And we were excited. [...]
Pingback by soccernista.com » After 170 years of waiting — November 14, 2006 @ 2:07 am
[...] From the beginning, I thought it best to “short” the stock of Landon Donovan. When he was “the best player in the world” at the U-17 World Cup, I thought to myself, “Yeah, and he’s also a grown man. When everyone else’s pubes fill out, he’ll be just another player.” Even after Donovan’s surprise contribution to the successes of 2002 , I remained unimpressed - a couple of poached goals and a lucky deflection does not a legend make. I was also willing to predict the egg he laid in Germany. Since, I’ve been more than happy to kick Donovan while he’s down. [...]
Pingback by soccernista.com » Position paper: Landon Donovan — February 8, 2007 @ 8:23 pm
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Comment by giiwdsqwtl — July 6, 2007 @ 5:39 pm
hey can anyone reup this video?
Comment by J — July 31, 2007 @ 11:30 pm