Homeland Security

October 26 - 2006

Go ahead: send us some huddled masses. If you’re willing to work hard we invite you to become part of this great nation of immigrants. We’ll chip in for health care, education, and public services. Hell, we’ll even offer you ATM machines featuring your native language, just to make bank transactions that much easier. And what do we ask in return? Two things:

• Bring some of the most excellent examples of your native cuisine with you,
• and know that your offspring belong to us.

Fair enough?

This habit of American-born-and-raised children of immmigrants jumping at the chance to play for the national teams of their parents’ country of origin is starting to rub us the wrong way. In fact, it’s bringing out our inner Lou Dobbs.

We have a message for players like Giuseppe Rossi and Sonny Guadarrama: Screw you. If our shitty schools, low-wage job opportunities, and disastrous healthcare system were enough to have your parents crawling under fences, then our 3rd-rate national team is good enough for you. Otherwise, we might just introduce your family to our little friends deportation, illegal detention, and suspension of habeas corpus.

In a post 9/11 world, we can’t afford to have the children of immigrants playing for other countries. You’re either with us or against us. Stay the course.

We gotta’ stop watching Fox News.