Get Your Bung On

September 20 - 2006

That headline is two typos away from Sam Allardyce having his prostate massaged. Last bung-pun, we promise.

Soccernet has, for two weeks now, succeeded in never once using a synonym for “bung,” proving they really are unaware that people in America might be reading. So here it is: a “bung” is a payment made outside agreed terms, less like a bribe and more like a tip. A bung might be paid to a manager bringing in a player, or letting one go. It is the grease that makes a transfer happen. And it is clearly against the rules.

The BBC had been promoting its investigative report on “Bung Culture” (stop it) as one that would “rock football to its foundation.” It aired tonight in the UK and, from what we can gather, was somewhat less foundation rocking than advertised. You can get the gist of the show here, and our thoughts on the matter below:

- A central claim of the BBC program seems to be the revelation that agents offering bungs is common practice. Really? Agents are disgusting skin-bags of corruption? Who care little for the fortunes of players, clubs, and supporters? You don’t say.

- Apparently, Big Sam Allardyce has a shit-head son who accepts bungs in order to influence dad’s personnel decisions. Undercover BBC cameras caught Allardyce junior saying, “I’ll get the (player) profile and I’ll walk straight into the office and sit down with me Dad. It’s easy, it’s easy.” The central question here is one of awareness: how much did Big Sam know about his son’s dealings? If he knew of the payments, then Big Sam has to go. Remember: the money for these bungs originates in the tills of the club shop and the ticket office outside the Reebok Stadium. Bolton supporters (and I’ve been told there are some) deserve better.

- The ‘Arry Redknapp “tapping-up scandal” is about as scandalous as the Stephen Gerrard “I stole pencils” scandal. According to the BBC undercover tapes, Blackburn captain Andy Todd’s agent approaches ‘Arry and asks if he’d be interested in the player. ‘Arry’s answer: “I like Toddy, don’t I? No I’d take him. I would take him. I would take him without a doubt.” What would you prefer he do in this situation? Clap his hand over his mouth and change the subject? Redknapp’s talking shop here, and he’d be a douche-bag to not engage in this type of small talk…even if it leads to an eventual transfer.

-The only evidence that has any foundation rocking potential is that collected against Chelsea: undercover cameras apparently show Chelsea’s youth director tapping-up 15 year-old England youth and Middlesborough trainee, Nathan Porritt. If Chelsea are found to be guilty of a second tapping-up (Ashley Cole being the first) they will be docked 3 points in the league. Really, could the Blues have a more rotten soul?

There’s much more to say about the putridity of the transfer market, but we’re too busy preparing to enjoy the fruits of it in today’s ‘Pool-Toon match. Oh, and a disclaimer: we’ve never been tempted by bungs…just not our thing.