NOTE: We feel genuine pity for homeless people. The vast majority are mentally ill and/or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Americans do these people a disservice by allowing them to live on the street without treatment. That being said, the following subject is a source of great amusement to me.

It wasn’t until we stumbled upon the Calgary Sun article that we learned about the Homeless World Cup. Now that we have, we can’t get the event out of our heads. This year’s installment is only weeks away and raises, for us, a number of issues:

-Is this not the stinkiest event ever conceived? I can only imagine the odors emanating from these matches. Inadvertent dreadlocks do not smell good under the best of circumstances; I can only imagine the noxious cloud surrounding them after 90 minutes.

-Will the traditional coach’s Gatorade bath be spiked with vodka? Wait…what was I thinking…the homeless would never waste vodka like that. Respect.

-The final whistle must be the most depressing moment in sports. Win or lose, what do you have to go home to? “I scored a hat-trick to win the Homeless World Cup! Now where’s my shopping-cart?”

-Mike Morgan, the gentleman discussed in the Sun article, apparently became homeless “when a friend’s drywalling business in Calgary went belly up.” Come on, man. A one-trick dry-walling pony? If you end up homeless in Canada, you should be on the Lazy World Cup squad.

-According to Wikipedia, the U.S. Homeless National Team did not make the second round of play in 2005. Even our homeless are crap footballers.

-Among the Cup’s celebrity sponsors is Ringo Starr, which makes perfect sense: were it not for John, Paul, and George, he’d be homeless as well.

-Nike is the official apparel sponsor of the Homeless World Cup. Does this not conflict with their Joga Bonito campaign on principle?

At any rate, we at Soccernista have only one message for participants in the 2006 Homeless World Cup: keep it clean, gentleman, keep it clean.